Something eating away
from inside my belly
it grinds, it shakes
it drags me under water

i’m drowning and no one heard me yell
walking in the night
in the dark i am no one

not now please, it’s not time
i’m not ready
someday i’ll be ready
but not right now

all alone i sit, waiting for this dark sickness to leave
waiting
waiting
is all i ever do
i take the meds, i do the breathing
but when nothing works all i can do is wait
i hate this body I want to love
this body that used to dance and kiss and be quiet

now sitting still feels like i’m being burned from the inside out
trying to run away from something that’s inside you
is impossible

like i’m haunted by ghosts and vengeful spirits that no one can exorcise

when i’m too tired from running
i fall
i grip my bed
waiting
drowning in dryness
so afraid
what’ll be next

i’m alone
and you want me gone
Because i’m too much of a burden
and i’m not strong enough to live alone
but here i am, living alone
in this haunted house

i’m hungry but have no appetite to eat
i should probably eat now
but i feel too awful
i’ll try again in another 10 minutes
and hope for a different response

like i’m not in control of anything
except the clothes i wear
which are far too baggy
and look like shit
cause no appetite means weight loss
and nothing fits

my body included, it doesn’t fit me anymore
i need a new one

clean out my mind and throw away this body
i’ll have the new model that removed the broken response system i had
and the sour stomach too
maybe eyes that see straight
sure will cost a pretty penny
but when i am free
i will finally be able to see again
cause now i am blind to anything else but me

like waking up, already frozen to the ground
trying to break the ice burned around me
shadows, clothes turned to rags

lost, tired
no other option
why do i have to keep dragging this dead corpse called anxiety along with me,
or maybe i’m the one being dragged
starving for some quiet, for the feeling of calm
just to feel safe
just for one second
so i can breathe
instead of all these shallow breaths that don’t sustain

oh it’s quiet
no- no don’t leave, please stay
as quiet left, she waved in aplogy
as she was forced to leave by him, anxiety

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