I wrote this on facebook and hid it the next day, just want it to be somewhere i’ll remember:
I feel frustrated that I was too self conscious to be honest yesterday, that I intentionally made my message sound casual when it’s not.
It sucks that stigma and me being ashamed makes it so i’m not honest with you, and not fully honest with anyone. And I don’t want to share the reality of the destruction mental illness can bring.
I have never known mental illness like I do right now. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take care of yourself. Some people go through life like normal, but some of us get lost in this other dimension for ghosts that you only get to when you truly lose hope. When you fear what is supposed to come naturally, when being a human being feels uncomfortable and unsafe.
I still don’t feel comfortable being honest here, how sad is that.
Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t take eating, having an appetite, feeling safe in your environment, feeling safe in your body, feeling comfortable, sleeping through the night, falling asleep, bathing, socializing, friendships, love, family, your job, travelling, the ability to work, your working limbs, your ability to buy your own groceries, being reliable, feeling healthy, doing your hair, enjoying your favorite things, watching movies, singing, literally breathing, for granted.
Because they can be lost, tainted, or your mind can take them from you and before you know it you’re spending your days alone and in quiet crisis; desperate, trapped, and left behind.
Just. don’t only talk about it on January 25th. Because it’s not just a day for some people.