When you’re so accustomed to something being wrong, or off, what do you do when you get that freak moment when you don’t feel bad?

Usually my brain is like ‘Oops! that was an accident, here are some symptoms or unhelpful thoughts to keep us level’ as soon as I notice it.

But waking up this morning after a really up and down week, and rough last night again, I’m left confused.

It’s like, how do I go through a day without worry or without being anxious. I honestly don’t remember. It’s like, the anxiety/symptoms make me miserable but they’re familiar. And Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing.

Like right now, i’m feeling off, but i’m not panicking. (Watch my body create that because i just said i wasn’t) And it’s hard to know what’s best to do right now. I feel like i’m standing with people waiting for me to guide them but i don’t have a pen or a map or anything and it’s really confusing. So eventually I just end up anxious again.

Learning that feeling normal is well, normal, is apparently a really hard concept for my brain to learn right now. Mostly because i only feel “normal” once every few months lately. Even though I am meditating, tapping, reading a lot, I don’t really have a direction so everyday I wake up and i’m like okay what kind of day will today be…

I wish I could just feel safe in my body.