You’re all alone

I knew that

That’s scary though isn’t it?

not re-

no it’s scary, you should be scared about that.

Mom is out of town, she’s so far away

if you needed her it’d take so long for her to get back to you

so you should get yourself worked up so you need someone sooner

if you needed help you wouldn’t get it in time

you’re so far from your bedroom

you’re so far from your medication

you’re so far from the bathroom

you wouldn’t make it

and you wouldn’t handle it if you did

you can’t handle anything

you’d be even worse

augh you don’t want to eat that

you really don’t

you shouldn’t eat at all

it’s too horrible an experience

don’t take a bath you know the perfumes will bother you

and you’ll ruin the rest of your day

you can’t breathe

you can’t get clean air because of all the smells around you

your stomach is upset

you must be sick

be afraid

you’re afraid

you’re all alone

and the darkness is enormous and everywhere

you don’t get to be normal

you don’t get peace of mind

you’re angry

i know you’re angry and that’s how i want it to stay

oh you’re not afraid at this moment? no you need to be afraid

something is coming for you

something really horrific is going to happen to you any moment

literally any second you could experience something terrifying

and you won’t handle it

you’ll be scarred for life and you’ll never get over it

you will lose whatever mind you have left

and you’ll end up in a home and you won’t see your friends or family anymore

you’ll be a burden on everyone

oh you want to go eat dinner? but that means you have to eat AND be around people

so I don’t think so

you can’t handle that right now

right now it’s the worst it’s ever been

you can’t breathe and you’ll probably get sick, remember?

Oh that was a loud noise! you should be distressed

oh your heart is raised because you’re trying to exercise?

no your heart is raised because you’re panicking

you’re not healthy you’re having a panic attack

you’re totally forgetting who you are

i’m taking away your memory

i love making you lose your train of thought

and making it so you forget something you hear five seconds later

it’s only going to keep getting worse

you keep thinking it can’t get worse

but i’ll find a way

i always find a way.

and soon you’ll be invisible

and unable to live

and you will starve

and you will drown

and you will suffer for the rest of your life

which could be a very long time

since you’re too chicken to do anything about that

and people will forget you

and you won’t get to see how your family and friends grow up

and you won’t be able to be there for them

or take care of them

when they need help

you’re such a coward

you know that you need to face these fears

but i’m just piling them on

and you don’t know which way is up anymore

which is great for me

i have all of your attention

you tried for so long to ignore me, and live with me

you tried so hard.

but eventually i broke you

and now i’m just pouring myself into every nook

and every hole in your brain

and like a cancer i’m only growing

and you will fail

against me

oh great fear

oh great sickness

i’m stronger every single day

because i’m taking life from you every single moment

and getting bigger and stronger

and the more time passes

the harder it’ll be to get out

the more you squirm the tighter I constrict

what’s one more thing I can take from you

that i haven’t already taken

i’m sure i can think of something

i always do.

You can’t work

there’s way too much to consider

too much going on

too many people

too many smells

too much in between you and escape

not like escape really exists

you can’t sleep

i keep you up as late as i can

and wake you up whenever possible

i make it so you stop breathing right as you are about to fall asleep

so you gasp awake

and i do it a lot

and i’ll keep doing it

i took way all your safety

so escape is really just moving from room to room

feeling no safer than before

but changing your situation in hopes i’ll get lost

but i won’t

i’m stuck in here

i’m attached

i like it here

you give me so much energy and time

we’re almost one person now

and then you’ll be gone forever

leaving everyone behind

and letting everyone down

and not getting anything you want

because you’re just too scared

and too blind

to see anything or anyone.

you want to get out your skin

i can feel you trying to get out

screaming inside to be free

you can’t see straight anymore

i took away your perspective

and you can’t breathe

you feel like choking

you’re trapped

you’re trapped here

and there’s no way out

if i could literally kill you

i probably wouldn’t

cause you’re almost dead now anyway

and i’m having so much fun

fucking with you

and fucking you up

beyond recognition

who are you anyway?

I know who you used to be

she was pretty cool

but she didn’t give me energy every day

like you do

so i had to change her

i had to break her

and i did

it took a while

she fought me back for a really long time

but then one day you only needed one little push

and you broke

and she was gone.

literally never to be seen again.

oh you’re crying

poor you!

trying so hard not to forget who you are

while i torment you every moment of every day

i’ll get that last bit of life from you

i don’t care how long it takes.

you always said other people wouldn’t have survived this long

that’s not something to be proud of

if you weren’t this stubborn

you could be high, hidden from the world

in a hospital

and you wouldn’t be fighting me right now

you wouldn’t feel the weight of the darkness

that i know you feel

cause i’m piling it on

i’m dumping it like garbage in a once beautiful river

and i’m bringing new darkness every day

and i’ll keep bringing it

oh you’re stronger against one of my weapons today

i’ll just make all the other weapons even more strong

i’ll break you down again

i don’t care how

i don’t care about your family

i don’t care about your friends

i don’t care about your life

i don’t care about what you want

i don’t care about what you’ve lost

i don’t care about what you will never have

i don’t care about your dreams

i don’t care if you’re loved

and i don’t care if you’re left behind.

in fact I want you to be left behind

 

eventually i’ll have you digging your own grave

we’re almost there but there’s still more to go

it’ll still get worse

and you’ll still keep fighting

even though you feel like you’re on fire

or that you’re being crushed by a building

or you can’t breathe.

i know you’re dealing with panic at the moment

but i want you to feel sick too

oh you already do?

what about dizzy

yeah let’s make you dizzy

why are you even still trying to beat me

what in the world

makes you think you can win

i know you don’t think you can

and yet you keep trying

you keep crawling

no matter how much i throw at you

you crawl

sometimes you stop

but eventually you’re crawling again

it’s getting harder and harder to keep moving though

so i know you’ll give up soon.

you’ve given up before

 

but never permanently.

But i know you will

if you’d just stop fighting me

if you’d just stop running away from me

if you’d just stop trying

we’d be done

you’d be done fighting

you could just leave the real world behind

and live here with me

and you will

your nerves are shot

any sound like a gun

anticipation panic is through the roof

i’m really making progress

and now even people walking around in the house scares you

your fear response is finally broken

which was a great feat that we both thought wouldn’t ever happen

and now you’re afraid of every tiny trigger

it’s like you’re walking around in a gruesome haunted house all day

i love it here

cause i feed off your misery

and that’s all that’s here right now

you keep crying

like that’ll help you

like that’ll make any difference

you’re so terrified

you’re terrified of your body

your body really scares you

and that’s the last thing i will do before you disappear

i know it’ll be the thing to break you

but you fight me with literally every spec of strength you have

even though there isn’t much left

medication won’t really work

once in a while it can slow me down for an hour or two

but i’m getting better at getting rid of it a soon as possible

so you have nowhere to hide

nowhere to run

no safety anywhere

just a broken, shaking, tiny piece of garbage

in the huge dark abyss i have created

here where you live

I will stay here forever

maybe i’ll be here until you die in 60 years

you’re such a coward

you could beat me if you were brave

but you’re not

shame on you for not being brave

shame on you for not caring enough about your family to fight back

they feel bad about that

they feel bad because you don’t care enough

you’re such a piece of shit

and i will win

i will beat you.

i’m already winning.

i’m already beating you

and you know it

you know it could be over any moment

oh you’re calm again?

no you’re sick and broken, remember?

Remember, I hate you

and no one can beat me

not you

not anyone

soon this war will be over

and the kingdom will be mine.

and you’ll be lost in the dark.

 

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