I feel like i’m on a tightrope

Smells and scent are really bothering me again today.

I washed my hair and the new conditioner is bothering me so much I’m wearing a toque. And my deoderant is bothering me so i’m wearing a sweater.

Do you know how horrid it is to want to run away from yourself but you can’t?

And I keep trying to breathe but i smell one or the other every time. Neither smell bad they just smell like perfume and I reject it. I just take tiny breaths and i’m not okay with this quality of life, or enormous lack there-of.

It’s like i’m literally wanting to run away from something that’s attached to me.

I can’t breathe. And It’s awful. And I keep flip-flopping about pushing myself to go outside for exposure, cause one minute i’m calm, and the next i’m under fire.

fuck this.